I Am Me Because Of You

I was a terrible teenager, I like to think I was perfect prior to that but I cannot remember so don’t quote me.  I do remember the amazing parties my parents would through for me and how much hard work my mom would put into making it perfect.  I also remember how much I looked forward to my birthdays in general, when i got home from school my mom would have a basket full of cosmetics and girly stuff that just made my birthday every year!

When I was younger my mother and I were not close.  I was the typical daddy’s girl.  When I did anything from get a hair cut to modelling my dad was either there or heard about it instantly. I also tended to be slightly over dramatic… (maybe a little more than slightly). I am pretty sure I fought my mom on everything I could.  There was no way that I would just listen to her which looking back was not the smartest approach on things.  I do not know how she didn’t just give me away.

As I got into high school and boys became high on my scale of importance dad and mom slowly started to change spots in my life.  My boyfriends would always be scared of my dad but my mom was always so sweet.  As reluctant as I was I knew I could talk to her about almost anything.  Even though I didn’t through some times that I really should have.  Every time I remember asking her about anything she always had great insight.  This is pretty impressive because how on earth she kept my boyfriends who weren’t really that consistent and my many friends straight is beyond me.  It really showed me how much she cared, its crazy how even though I was such a pain in the butt she always just wanted what was best for me. I would have never admitted it but I really looked up to her, I used to dance around to her music.  My top favourite would have to be “These boots are made for walking.”

I was such a terrible teenage I even showed up with a puppy (more than once)! My dad had this vein that would pop out in his forehead every time he was really mad… I saw this a couple times when I would sneak out, run into his work truck,  and the list goes on.  My mom would get mad but she never had any throbbing veins.  I came home slightly intoxicated when I was 17 and I just remember sitting in the bathroom watching the flowers spin in the bathroom wallpaper as she gave me that look. She gave you a look that meant business and you just knew you probably shouldn’t say much (even though I would mouth back occasionally). In this case I didn’t… The room was already spinning so throwing up arguing sobriety wouldn’t help my case at all.  Any time I got in trouble I would still hear what she would tell me and secretly contemplate its accuracy, never sharing when I did take her advice.

I had the opportunity to get into trouble many times in my life but I always had a kind heart and honest conscience that I learned from my mom.  I could never steal or tease people.  Even when I got the opportunity my mothers words of wisdom and lessons would stick in my head.  Many people never had that so I was very lucky.  I had this friend who passed away that was a little deviant at times. I was always his voice of reason until we ended up in separate schools. I wouldn’t have been able to be his voice of reason without having my mom as mine. Even today when I see someone bagging for money my mother always told me to buy them an orange juice and a sandwich.  To this day I still do that.

My parents even supervised my graduation and safe grad! I had broke up with my boyfriend and went with my best friend.  This boyfriend didn’t take it well and showed up with flowers and such prior to my actual date coming to get me.  My mother took pictures and was so pleasant helping lower the awkwardness of the whole situation.  That in itself was incredibly impressive.  As he left my actual date showed up and off we went.  The majority of the night was great until my ex boyfriend had a tad to much to drink… He decided that it was a good idea to approach me and make a bit of a scene.  I ran to the bathroom in tears (not mellow dramatic at all) and not two seconds behind me was my mother.  I was a mess, two coolers and a little relationship drama can do that to you. She knew just what to do.  She grabbed my arms and told me to pull myself together.  She gave me some lip gloss (this is essential in the Symborski household) and sent me back out to the party. I had an amazing time and that wouldn’t have been the case without my mom.  She always knew just what I needed, more then myself most days!

As I graduated high school and moved away from the life and friends that I had based the last 17 years on.  Just to elaborate on that, I was always surrounded by my friends, they were my be all end all.  I didn’t put my focus into really much besides them and living in a small town my friends were consistent right through. When I moved I was so sad, talking to my friends ALOT.  $700 phone bill kind of lot.  After I got a little more settled, I had a couple months that I spent time with my family before school started.  Although I doubt I ever really told her I would have been so depressed through that time without her.  My mom is so great, she even went searching for friends for me.  She set me up a play date (at 17 years old) with a friends son which turned out not to last but it got me out of the house.  I felt so bad for her, I had an ex boyfriend (same one as prom, he was persistent) that didn’t exactly accept the whole break up process and decided to surprise me.  I came home to find him gardening with my mother. I wish I would have had a picture of it, it was priceless.  She kept the situation neutral until he left, letting me know how painfully awkward it was.

From there I had some less then ideal relationships and challenges that I would never would have been able to accomplish without her.  I did a pageant that she helped me train for, she even would work out with me, try on dresses with me and be there whenever I needed anything even if it was just some lip gloss or a vent session when I was giving up on myself.  There were times my mom would pull tough love on me but honestly it was what I needed.  Once again she knew what I needed.  Through university my mom was my best friend.  Im sure there were times we would disagree especially when she would vacuum at 9am on a Saturday morning (the depressing thing is now i am the person that does that).

Most recently I had the incident that I lost part of my finger.  When they heard what happened my parents got to Calgary in record time.  My mom helped me through the whole situation, forcing me to eat something as tears ran down my face.  When I am upset my whole body gets upset and in turn I vere away from eating, which isn’t the greatest way to help with a tough situation.  I don’t think anyone can make good decisions on an empty stomach. From there my mom dropped everything in her life and stayed with me for a week.  I was so upset and sore.  I didn’t want to move.  My mom took me to the salon where she got my hair done.  It was the greatest thing in the world, I fell asleep in my chair and woke up looking like great and feeling like I could move forward.  Once again my mom knew exactly what I needed.  From there she knew how uncomfortable I was with my missing finger tip so she made me these great finger gloves that not only helped with phantom pain but also helped build my confidence.

She also encourages me daily to keep up with my running and just her as a person helps me stay on track in the running and health scene.  Even when she is feeling down she is the first person to go out of her way to try and pump up people to better themselves.  She is also my biggest cheerleader and the most supportive mom ever! Plus she is pretty fast so it helps me go faster with my slight competitive edge!

She recently lost her mom suddenly to heart disease which was so sad because her mom was a true inspiration as well.  I can see where my mom got all of her amazing qualities! Through this not only was she selfless and strong but never once veered from who she was.  Sometimes when you go through a traumatic event you lose yourself.  Her mother would be so very proud of her and she was truly an inspiration through it all.

I could write for days about all the things may mom has done for me but its turning into quite the blog so I will skip to the moral of the story.

Through life I believed you are blessed with certain people that truly have an impact in your life.  I know there were times I didn’t like me and the fact that through that all my mom loved me all through it amazes me.  The funniest part of it all is techniques she used to help me through all of countless crisis’s I now do to help my friends or siblings when the situation arises.  I have been able to grow and help be a better person though it. Wow right? I’m 29 and finally get it… well kind of.

If one day I can be half the mom my mother is I would consider it a huge accomplishment.  My mom is my best friend, my inspiration and one of the most amazing women I have ever met.  I know this is a little late for the whole mothers day thing and even for her birthday but I feel so grateful everyday for my mom.

I am me because of her! Love you Momma!

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